Topic: Police

[Clive]

You thought police officers didn't have a sense of
humor. The following were taken off of actual police
car videos around the country:


#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're
 new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

 #14 "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your
 birth certificate a worthless document."

 #13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

 #12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?
 In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of
 a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

 #11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I
 guess that means I can write anything I want on the
 ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir; you can talk to the shift supervisor,
 but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention
 that I am the shift supervisor?"

 #9 "Warning? You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning
 you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

 #8 "The answer to this last question will determine
 whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a
 cat or a dog?"

 #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is
 a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton
 candy, and step in monkey dung."

 #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my
 wife gets a toaster oven."

 #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through
 NCIC."

 #4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

 #3 "No, sir; we don't have quotas anymore. We used
 to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as
 many tickets as we want."

 #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good
 personal friend of yours. At least you know
 someone who can post your bail."

 #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?
 You're right, we don't. Sign here."