Thoughts to Get Through a Crisis.
Contemplate these.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
No matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion - not proof - to destroy it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. (thanks to Victor)
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
It is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
You can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
Ex-wives and Ex-husbands are like fungus, and keep coming back.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
There is a fine line between genius and insanity.
The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away, and the real pains in the ass are permanent.
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes, I even put it in the food.
If it weren't for stress, I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
If the shoe fits, buy it in every colour.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you definitely need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. You should live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
