You Know You're Getting Old When...
Time. What a bugga. Let's face it, we're all going to grow old. But how do we know when we've arrived? We're here to help. You know you're getting old when...
A 30-year mortgage sounds like a pretty clever scam.
You no longer consider staying under the speed limit a challenge.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guys with the Live Doppler 10,000.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
You know you're a grown-up because you groan every time you get up.
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
You turn out the light for economic reasons.
Your children begin to look middle-aged.
You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off, and that bundle you've spent on life insurance is starting to look smart, too.
Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
You have a party and the neighbours don't even realise it.
You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
Your back goes out more than you do.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You're proud of your lawn mower.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You're asleep, but others worry you're dead.
You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You learn where your prostate is.
People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
You answer questions with, "Because I said so!"
You know what the word "equity" means.
Your childhood toys are now in a museum.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch TV.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You and your teeth don't sleep together.
Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You can go bowling without drinking.
Your top three favourite pastimes involve sleep.
The fire department is asked to attend your birthday party in case the candles on your cake get out of hand.
Medicare says you're too old for their coverage.
You can't be tried by a jury of your peers because there are none.
It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don't want you behind the wheel.
Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
You don't remember when your wild oats turned to shredded wheat.
You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.
Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
You are often asked to give a personal account of the story of creation.
You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
You don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.
The clothes you've put away until they come back in style have come back in style.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
You're 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, and 95 around the golf course.
The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.
It takes twice as long to look half as good.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
Topic: You Know You're Getting Old When... (Read 1153 times)