Topic: The future of nursery rhymes

[sam]

you've probably all heard these before and I'm not sure they are that funny but oh well:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
 Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
 The structure of the wall was incorrect
 So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

 It's Raining, It's Pouring
 Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming.

 Jack and Jill went into town
 To fetch some chips and sweeties.
 He can't keep his heart rate down
 And she's got diabetes.

 Mary had a little lamb
 Her father shot it dead.
 Now it goes to school with her
 Between two chunks of bread.

 Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
 Said Simple Simon to the pie man
 'What have you got there?'
 Said the pie man unto Simon
 'Pies you idiot!'

 Mary had a little lamb
 It ran into a pylon.
 10,000 volts went up its @rse
 And turned its wool to nylon.

 Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
 Kissed the girls and made them cry.
 When the boys came out to play
 He kissed them too cause he was gay.

 Jack and Jill
 Went up the hill
 To have a little fun.
 Jill, the dill,
 Forgot her pill,
 And now they have a son.

 Jack and Jill
 Went up the hill
 And planned to do some kissing.
 Jack made a pass
 And grabbed her ass
 Now two of his teeth are missing.

 Mary had a little lamb
 Its fleece was white and wispy.
 Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
 And now it's black and crispy.

[Clive]

Perfect funny Sam.  Old but still brought a huge smile to my face!   

[Simon]

There are some FAR ruder versions of Mary Had A Little Lamb (She kept it in a truck...) but those are great, Sam. 

[mistybear]

    I hadn't heard them before.

There are some FAR ruder versions of Mary Had A Little Lamb (She kept it in a truck...) but those are great, Sam. 

From Clive's personal collection.