What's pink and hard?
A pig with a flick knife!
--
I boarded an US Airways flight yesterday.
They charged me a dollar for the headphones, two dollars for the pillow,
And ten dollars for the goggles and armbands!
--
A bad workman blames his fools
EDIT: *tools
stupid keyboard.
--
My wife just accused me of treating her like a door mat...
So I walked out on her.
--
This inauguration is dead boring. Anybody know what time they are going to assassinate him so I can switch off and watch later?
--
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming the English Channel?
Clever Dick
--
Pat and Mick go for a job on a building site. The foreman sees Pat first.
"What's your name?"
"Pat".
"I don't want you. Your name's Patrick, I don't want anyone who doesn't even know their own name".
So Pat goes out and tells Mick what happened. Then it's Mick's turn.
"What's your name?"
"Mickrick".
--
I recently gave my wife two hot nights between the sheets.
I locked her in the airing cupboard for the weekend.
--
My doctor told me I had an attitude problem.
I told him to go and f*** himself.
--
A chemist walks into his shop after his lunch-break to discover a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?" he asks his assistant. She replies "He came in for some cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him a course of very strong laxatives." The chemist says "You idiot, you can't treat a cough with laxatives!" "Of course you can," she answers "Look at him, he's too afraid to cough!"
Topic: Quickies (Read 827 times)