Face book is good, they send you an email, to tell you
that someone has sent you a message.
Eddie Duncan-Dunlop
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian,
which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs
- Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon
My parents are from Glasgow which means
they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... well
maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night
- Susan Murray at the Underbelly
Is it fair to say that there'd be less
litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
- Adam Bloom at the Pleasance
My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved
down to Wolverhampton when I was two, cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t
- Susan Murray at the Underbelly
You have to remember all the trivia that
your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll
go: 'What's my favourite flower?' And you murmur to yourself: 'Sh1t, I
wasn't listening ... was it self-raising?'
- Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You
Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'
- Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron
Got a phone call today to do a gig at a
fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax
- Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance
Employee of the month is a good example of
how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time
-Demetri Martin at the Assembly
Rooms
A talking dog goes into a hardware store
and says: 'I'd like a job please'. The hardware store owner says: 'We
don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?' The dog replies:
'What would the circus want with a plumber'
- Steven Alan Green at C34
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a
piece of cake
- Chris Addison at the Pleasance
If you're being chased by a police dog,
try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump
through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
- Milton Jones at the Underbelly.
Topic: Funny bits from Edinburgh Festival (Read 803 times)