I was sat in my front lounge last night when my ex drove past and threw a can of paint through my window.
I hate it when women get emulsional.
Talking to my mate today and I said, "I'm thinking of divorcing my wife as she has not spoken to me for 6 months."
He replied, "You had better think it over, women like that are hard to find."
I was walking my dog by the canal the other day and he fell in. Some German guy ran up dived in and pulled him out...
I said, "are you a vet?"
He said, "no, I'm f
g soaking!"
That settles it, I'm never going back to Yorkshire again. I went into the local supermarket and asked where I could find towels, and they gave me directions to the bird sanctuary! (Think about it!)
An American, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a pub with their wives.
The American asks his wife "Honey, pass me the honey"
The Englishman not to be outdone asks his wife "Sugar, pass me the sugar"
The Irishman also not to be outdone asks his wife "Pass me the milk, you cow"
Little Johnny's mum asked little Johnny if he had enjoyed the school trip. "Yes it was great - we saw sheep, horses, goats, and fu
rs."
Mum: "Er, fine, fine. I know what the sheep and the rest are, but what is a fu
er?"
Johnny: "Oh, they're the animals that give us milk and steaks"
Mum: "But who said they were called, er, fu
ers?"
Johnny: "That was our teacher. She called them 'effers,' but we all knew what she meant."
Topic: Six Quickies (Read 794 times)