Topic: Old but forever funny!

[Clive]

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,
 Doing nothing.
 One lady turns and asks, 'Do you still get horny?'
 The other replies, 'Oh sure I do.'
 The first old lady asks, 'What do you do about it?'
 The second old lady replies, 'I suck a lifesaver.'
 After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
 'Who drives you to the beach?'
 
 _____________________
 
 
 An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise
 Ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not
 Blow off in the wind.
 A gentleman approached her and said:
 'Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but
 Did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?' 'Yes, I
 Know,' said the lady, 'I need both hands to hold onto this hat.' 'But,
 Madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!' said the gentleman in
 Earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, 'Sir
 Anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat
 Yesterday!'
 
 ____________________
 
 
 Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their
 Retirement home reminiscing.
 The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers
 And demonstrated with her hands, the length and
 Thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
 The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to
 Be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the
 Size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
 The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I
 Remember the guy you're talking about.'
 
 ____________________
 
 
 Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see
 Over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
 Intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman
 In the passenger seat thought to herself, 'I must be losing it! I could have
 Sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes they came
 To another intersection. The light was red, and again they went right
 Through. This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been
 Red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting
 Nervous and decided to pay close attention. At the next intersection, sure
 Enough, the light was definitely red and they blew right through it. She
 Turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred! Did you know that you ran
 Through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!' Mildred turned
 To her and said, 'Oh s**t..! Am I driving..?'

[Rik]

So believable.

[Simon]