An American fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with a machine gunner on board.
Sensing danger he shot them down.
Back at base he got a right rollocking - apparently they were Allied Carpets.
. . . . . . . . . . ..
I was driving to work this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
.. . . . . . . . . ..
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying 'English speaking Doctor'.
I thought; "What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country."
. . . . . . . . ..
The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.
"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.
"Yes it is" I replied.
"I'm afraid it looks like she's been in a car accident" said the Officer...
"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . ..
Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15 ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer.
Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, face down on the floor. Dead!
At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes..............
Then a moment of pure inspiration........ McDonalds do Breakfast until 10:30 !
. . . . . . . . .. . . . .
Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have
sex?"
"I did once & he looked really angry."
"Why angry?"
Because he was watching through the window.!
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Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on
the sofa...
Must have drunk her bloody drink by mistake!
. . . .. . . . . . . .
Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I
took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.
Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.
It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.
.. . . . . ... . . . . . . .
The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are
going to study the workings of the female mind.
The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis
Topic: Jokes (Read 521 times)