Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Camstop]

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..." Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim!!..." Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.

 By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..." ...and

the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

 8) 8) 8)

[Clive]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are traveling through the desert when their car suddenly stalls. They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that it's not going to
start, they each take one thing from the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water and the redhead takes a bag of food. The blonde gets some tools from the trunk, removes a door from the car and takes the door with her.

They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food. She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry I'll have something to eat."  They all think this is pretty reasonable.

Then the redhead and the blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water. The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty I'll have something to drink." They all decide that's a good idea, too.

Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."  

[Camstop]

Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"

2nd blonde: "Chickens."

1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one of them?"

2nd blonde: "If you can guess how many chickens I've got in this bag, you can have BOTH of them!!"

1st blonde: "Well, I think you've got three."


 

[Serenity]

shhhhhhhesh is she fik or what  its 4!      

[Serenity]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs
for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."  

[Lona]

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman:
"I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen."

The surprised salesman replies: - But, madam, computers do not have curtains....
 
And the blonde said:
 
Helloooo.... I've got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

[Simon]

Two blondes are racing down a bumpy back road in a pretty beat up car down to a bank they're going to rob.

"Drive slower" pleads the one in the passenger seat, "I don't want all the nitro in the boot to explode."

"Relax," the driver replies, "even if it did, I've got a spare box under the seat . . . "

[greenking]

A blonde is slightly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and do this for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost five pounds."

When the blonde returns in two weeks she's lost nearly twenty pounds  
"This is remarkable" says the doctor, "did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde says "Yes but i thought i was going to drop down dead on that third day"
"From hunger" asks the doctor

The blonde replies "No, from all that skipping"

[Clive]

An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for advice.  The doctor advised that she run 10 miles a day for 30 days.  This, he promised, would help her lose as much as twenty pounds.

The blonde follows the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days, she was pleased to find that she'd indeed lost twenty pounds.

She phoned the doctor and thanked him for the wonderful advice which produced such effective results. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last question:

"How do I get home, since I am now 300 miles away?"

[Clive]

A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions -
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus and that was three hours ago! Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now...
The 45th bus just went by!"

[Camstop]

:funny: Hehehehe

[Simon]

[joudi]

Some blondes were making an experience on a frog in a laboratory. So they cut it's right hand and...beating on the experience table beside the frog and sying: "Jump"!  The frog jumped of fear. Then they cut the second hand and said: "Jump"!  It jumped again. After that they cut the left leg and said: "Jump"!  It jumped also. At last they cut the other leg and said: "Jump"!    It didn't jump.

    Then they wrote on their report: "If we cut all the hands and legs of a frog, IT BECOMES DEAF    :'("

[Sandra]

Thats a good one Joudi,it just goes to prove that you can easily "jump" to the wrong conclusion  

By the way Joudi the word is EXPERIMENT not EXPERIENCE,not a criticism just trying to help your already very good english.
Quelque jour j'espire que ma francaise est si bon :doggie:

[joudi]

Thanks a lot Sandra, I like to make my english better and I accept and even want others to correct me.

    Do you want some french correction too? Then take it:

    Instead of saying:

   

Quelque jour j'espire que ma francaise est si bon

   You can say:

   "J'éspère qu'un jour mon français sera aussi bon que le tien Joudi, et même mieux"

   Don't worry, may be your french will be better than mine one day because even my french is far from being perfect.

   Disons, Je me débrouille en anglais et en français.