Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

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Q. What is the difference between a blonde, and a rooster?

A: A rooster says cockadooledoooo, a blonde says, anycockwilldooo

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The Lottery
A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."

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This guy is sitting outside on his lawn when he sees his blonde neighbor walk outside and check her mailbox. With a confused look on her face, she walks back inside. Five minutes later, the blonde walks outside again to check her mailbox. Seeing that there is nothing in it, she walks back inside her house. Another five minutes later, the blonde comes back outside to check her mailbox. After watching the blonde check her mailbox 3 times in a row, the guy is pretty curious. When she starts to walk back inside again, he asks, "What are you doing?"
She says, "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail."

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There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde who were trying to break the world record for fastest time to swim across the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. The brunette shows up on the other side 48 hours later. "Congratulations!" everyone shouts. 2 hours after the brunette shows up, the red head appears. "Good try" everyone shouts to her. Two weeks later, the blonde shows up. When everyone asked her what happened, she replied, "I don't mean to sound like a poor sport, but I think the other two women were using their arms."

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A Russian, an American and a Blonde were discussing space travel. The American argued that because they were the first to put a man on the moon, America was superior in space travel. The blonde stated her kind were going to be far superior to Russia and America because they were going to be the first to land on the sun. The Russian asked the blonde if she was nuts. Didn't she know that it was impossible to land on the sun? The American asked her just how in the hell she thought they could accomplish this considering the heat and extreme brightness of the sun." well, duh!" the blonde replied. "we're going at night."

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In Las Vegas there's a nightclub that has a very special mirror in the ladies room. When you stand in front of this mirror and tell a lie the mirror swallows you.
A rather ugly woman stands in front of the mirror and says: '' I think I am the most beautiful woman in the whole world!''
SHUM! The mirror swallows her
Then a fat woman stands in front of it and says:? I think I am the sexiest woman on earth!''
SHUM! The mirror swallows her.
Afterwards a very good looking-sexy blonde stands in front of the mirror and says:
''I think.''
SHUM!

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A Brunette a Blonde and a Red head are all in the third grade,
who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde,she's eighteen.

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On a flight to New York the flight attendant said to a lady sitting in first class, "MaŽam, I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the back since you have a coach ticket." The lady responded, "Listen, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

The two argued for a while but finally the flight attendant went and got the first officer - who came and said, "MaŽam, I'm afraid you'll have to move into the coach section since you have a coach ticket". To which she replied, "Listen, sir, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

After they argued for a while the first officer gave up and went to get the Captain who said, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a beautiful blonde." So - the Captain went right up to her, whispered in her ear, after which she got right up and moved into the coach section.

Both the flight attendant and first officer were shocked and asked the Captain - "I don't get it sir. What did you say to make her move back to coach." To which the Captain said, "Oh that was easy, I just told her first class wasn't going to NY!"

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One day a blonde walked into a second hand store and asked the clerk "How much is that TV in the window?" The man said, "I'm sorry. I don't sell stuff to blondes." So She walked out. The next day she came in as a red head. She asked how much the TV was in the window again. And again he said he didn't sell things to blondes. The next day she came in again and asked for the third time how much the TV was. The man said "FOR THE FINAL TIME I DONT SALE STUFF TO BLONDES!!" She said, "How did you know I was a blonde?" He said, "That?s not a TV, It?s a microwave!!!!!"

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A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde. "All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"

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There was a blonde and she bought a brand new Convertible Porsche. She was driving along and she hit a guy's diesel. The man got out burning with anger. He pulled the blonde out of the car got a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the road and put the blonde in the circle and told her to stay in that circle. Then he got back in his diesel and ran over the blonde's new Porsche several times. Then when he got back he saw that the blonde was laughing. He asked:? why are you laughing? I just ran over your car?. The blonde said,"I got out of the circle 3 times".

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A blind man walks in to a bar and sits down to have a drink. He says to the bartender, "You want to hear a good blonde joke?" The bartender says, "Well, sir, I myself am a blonde and I really wouldn't appreciate it. And the man sitting next to you is about 265 lbs. and is also a blonde. Then the man behind you is a good 285 lbs. who just happens to be a blonde too. So let me ask you sir, do you really want to tell that blonde joke?" The blind man said, ?No. I don't feel like explaining it three times!"

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 :rock: :lol:A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street.
The brunette says to the blonde, "My boyfriend has dandruff so I give him Head and Shoulders."
The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?!?!"

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:hi:
A blonde is racing to her convertible as it begins to rain. All of the sudden, she screams "NO, NO!!!!"
A man standing near by rushed to her aid. "What's wrong?"
The blonde said, "I locked the keys in the car and the top's down!"

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A Blonde sitting on first class. The flight attendant takes her ticket and says,? This is a ticket for coach, not for first class." The Blonde replied,? I?m Blonde, I?m Beautiful and I'm going to Chicago." Then the pilot came out and asked what was going on here and the flight attendant told the pilot the situation. So the pilot went over and whispered something in the Blonde's ear and she hurried back to coach. The flight attendant then asked,? What did you tell her?? The pilot replied,? I just told her that first class wasn't going to Chicago.