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Author Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here  (Read 139007 times)

Offline Michelle

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Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #375 on: September 15, 2005, 18:54 »
hehe I like it  :laugh:
Out of all the things I've lost .......I miss my mind the most!!

Offline Sandra

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Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #376 on: September 19, 2005, 12:15 »
Q :  What do you call an intelligent blonde ?

A :  A  Labrador


 :D  :D  :D  :D  :D

Offline sam

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« Reply #377 on: September 19, 2005, 22:56 »
lol
- sam | @starrydude --

Offline Clive

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« Reply #378 on: November 04, 2005, 13:19 »
Blonde
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my puppy had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically......

"Now you stay. Do you hear me? "Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde lady, gave me a strange look and said......

"Why don't you just put it in park?"

Offline Clive

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« Reply #379 on: December 20, 2005, 18:49 »
Blonde's Year in Review:  


January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired  from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles  won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw  puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on  escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make  Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June  - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a  slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,  other swimmers  cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain  storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The  capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M  &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4  1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh  108!!!

December - Couldn't call Nine Eleven(911)....."duh".....there's no "eleven"  button on the phone!!!
  
  
What a year!!

Offline Rodders

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True blonde
« Reply #380 on: January 03, 2006, 08:17 »
As a trucker in Essex stops for a red light, a blonde catches up.  She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door.  The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."  The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up she jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.  Again, the trucker lowers the window.  As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing  some of your load!"  Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again.  All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knock's on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.  Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"  When  the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light.

When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blonde.  He knocks on her window and as she lowers it, he says

"Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a f***ing gritter!"

Offline Clive

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« Reply #381 on: January 03, 2006, 09:34 »
Brilliant!!   :grin:

Offline Rodders

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« Reply #382 on: January 04, 2006, 15:10 »
Did you hear about the blonde who went to the library and took out a book called "How to Hug"?

She got it back home and found it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia.

Offline Rodders

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« Reply #383 on: January 05, 2006, 11:15 »
A blonde was driving down the road swerving from left to right.  A policeman, who was watching this the whole time, pulled her over and said, "Madam, what were you doing?"

She replied, "Thank God you're here, officer!  I was driving down the road when all of the sudden this tree appeared in front of me, so I swerved to avoid it!  Then another tree appeared in front of me, so I went around that one, then another!"

The policeman replied, "That was your air freshener."

Offline Serenity

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« Reply #384 on: January 05, 2006, 11:21 »
:laugh:  Even I laffed at that one Rod!

Offline Rodders

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« Reply #385 on: January 05, 2006, 11:32 »
You did?  Well, try these then.   :wink:

Blonde Medical Terminology:
Anally - occurring once a year
Artery - study of paintings
Bacteria - rear exit of cafe
Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails
Benign - what you are after you be eight
Bowel - A, E, I, O, or U
Caesarian section - district in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterise - made eye contact with her
Colic - sheep dog
Coma - a punctuation mark
Condom - small apartment complex
Congenital - friendly
D & C - where Washington is
Diaphragm - drawing in geometry
Diarrhea - journal of daily events
Dilate - to live long
Enema - not a friend
Fallopian Tube - part of a tv set
Fester - quicker
Fibula - a small lie
Genitals - people of non-Jewish origin
Hangnail - coat hook
Impotent - distinguished or well-known
Intense pain - agony under canvas
Labour pain - got hurt at work
Medical staff - doctor's walking stick
Menopause - button on the remote control
Menstrual cycle - thing with three wheels
Morbid - higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - was aware of
Outpatient - person who had fainted
Pap smear - fatherhood test
Pelvis - cousin of Elvis
Post operative - person who delivers the mail
Protein - favoring young people
Rectum - nearly killed 'em
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rheumatic - amorous
Scar - rolled tobacco leaf
Scrotum - small planet near Uranus
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - Roman emperor
Serology - study of knighthood
Tablet - small tab
Terminal illness - sickness at airport
Testicles - found on an octopus
Tibia - country in North Africa
Tumor - an extra pair
Umbilical chord - part of a parachute
Urine - opposite of you're out
Vagina - heart trouble
Varicose - located nearby
Vein - conceited
Vulva - Swedish car

Offline Clive

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« Reply #386 on: January 15, 2006, 14:10 »
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Offline Mac

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Blonde Ugly Nuns
« Reply #387 on: April 28, 2006, 08:33 »
:funnypost:  :gofor:

Q. How much education does a Blonde Ugly Nun (BUN) have?

A. Nun, because 'Holy' = 0

P. I. in the sky?


 :brain:  :sanity:


The Council Of Nine... (CON)

 :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:  :sheep:

Offline Mac

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Welly Clever?
« Reply #388 on: April 28, 2006, 10:11 »
Why do you never see a blonde Chinese?

Because they all wear wellys.

:shuddup:  and eat your Sandwich.

:sorry:

Offline Mac

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Re:Blonde Jokes Can Go Here
« Reply #389 on: April 28, 2006, 14:17 »
Quote from: "Serenity"
Adept I'm shocked ...ney saddened at you joining in this blonde bashing thread. This is abuse!!.... Now where's the Union when you need them!


We have died our hair black and moved to China.


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