Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[mistybear]

 

[mistybear]

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, ?Wanna hear a blonde joke??

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, ?Before you tell that joke, you should know something.?

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I?m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6′2″, weighs 225, and he?s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6′5″ pushing 300 and he?s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke??

The blind guy says, ?Nah, not if I?m gonna have to explain it five times.?

[mistybear]

    

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. ?Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing??

The blonde turns around and says, ?Yeah right! I?m not giving up this machine while I?m still winning!?

[mistybear]

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One?s a brunette, one?s a redhead, and one?s a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, ?Ready . . . Aim . . .?

Suddenly the brunette yells, ?earthquake!!? Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, ?Ready . . . Aim . . .?

The redhead then screams, ?tornado!!? Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . .?

The blonde shouts, ?fire!!?

[Clive]

 

[Simon]

A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview . The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 23!"

The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice. "Can you tell us your height, please?" She stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. Then she traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!".

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie".

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Oh, that!" replies the blonde, That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'

[mistybear]

 

[Clive]

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a
team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing.
Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win,
They kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried
and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing
differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"

[Clive]

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading
her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

[Clive]

The blonde life-saver.

DEAR DIARY. DAY ONE

I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my
pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales
and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the
Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE

I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding
and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at
his table for dinner. I felt honoured and we had a wonderful time. He is a
very attractive and attentive gentleman.

DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR

Went to the ship's casino .... did OK ... won about $80. The Captain
invited me to have the dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious
meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I
declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my
husband.

DEAR DIARY. DAY FIVE

Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go
to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me
and bought me a couple of drinks.

He really is a charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for
the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his
way with me he would sink the ship.

I was appalled.

DEAR DIARY. DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today - twice.

[Simon]

[Clive]

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?

There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were

stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

[Clive]

A law professor asked his class the following: "What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?"

A blonde law school student answered: "An illegal is a sick bird."

[Simon]

[Clive]

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.  Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"