Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[mistybear]

    

[Serenity]

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooo, can you see Florida ??'




CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'




SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'




RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
'You ARE on the other side.'



AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said 'Your finger is broken.'




KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'



BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'



IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'




FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'
 
 

 
   

 

 

[Simon]

[Rik]

[David]

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburettor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

 

[Serenity]

As a trucker in Essex stops for a red light, a blonde in her car pulls up alongside.

She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door

the trucker lowers the window, and she says, 'Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load.'

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl again catches up.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

And as if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, 'Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!' 

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door.

The trucker lowers the window again she says, Hi, my name is Sharon and you are losing some of your load!'

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light when he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says.......

 .........Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm driving a f...ing gritter!

[Rik]

[Clive]

 

[Simon]

Oh, so there is one somewhere!   

[Serenity]

Oh, so there is one somewhere!   

    Now now  stop being a grumpy old burger all yer life Si     chill out 

[Rik]

That's his problem, Bev, he's got thoroughly chilled. 

[Simon]

 

[Rik]

 

[GillE]

 

[Clive]

One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were listening
to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say, "We are going
to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the
even-numbered side of the street, so the Snowplows can get through." 
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are
eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to12
inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the
street, so The snowplows can get through."  The good wife went out and moved her car again.
 The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
 "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park...." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,
Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park
on so the snowplows can get through?" 
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to
blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the
garage this time."