Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Rodders]

Third time lucky?  
 

 

[Adept]

Road Work

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job.

At the end of the first day, the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers.

The next day, the redhead painted 5 miles and the brunette 5.6 miles and the blond 4 miles. He told her not to worry, she still had a good lead.

But, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile.

The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so well".

She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."



The Blonde Sells Her Car

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."



The Cool Blonde

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are riding across the desert in a car when it breaks down. Having no mechanical skills, they decide they will have to walk back to town. Each decides what they will take along to help keep cool on their hot journey.

"I'll bring a thermos of water in case we get thirsty along the way," said the redhead.

"I'll bring an umbrella to shield us from the sun," said the brunette.

"I'll bring the car door," said the blonde with some pride in her choice.

"The car door?" the others asked in puzzlement.

"Yes," confirmed the blonde. "That way, if we get too hot, we can roll down the window."

[Adept]

Just one more ...

Duhhh!!

A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a horrible hail storm. The hail stones were as big as golf balls. Her poor car was badly dented all over.

The next day, the blonde took the damaged to a local repair shop. The repair guy, noticing that she was blonde, decided to have some fun with her. He told her to take the car home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and the dents would pop right out.

When she got home, she started blowing into the tail pipe as hard as she could.

After a few minutes, her girl friend (also a blonde) dropped by and saw her all red-faced, blowing into the tail pipe. Startled, her friend asked, "What are you doing?" clearly thinking the worse.

The blonde repeated the story of how the repair guy had told her to blow into the tail pipe really hard and the dents would pop out.

Her girl friend said, "Well duhhhh...you need to roll up the windows first."

[Rodders]

I've been asked if I could make these easier.  
 

 

[Clive]

A man requested a female blonde painter to paint him in the nude.

"No" the talented blonde artist said. "I don"t do that sort of thing.

"I"ll increase your fee two times," he said.

"No, no thanks!!"

"I"ll give five times as much as you normally get."

"Okay," said the artist, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks. I need somewhere to place my brushes."

[Big_Boss]

Q. Hear about the blonde raking leaves.

A. She fell out the tree!  

[Big_Boss]

Q. Why did the blonde take a ladder to the pub?

A. She thought the drinks were on the house  

[Rodders]

The blonde came home and said to her husband, "Honey, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test!"

He said, "Great!  So what's the bad news?"

"They were pedestrians."

[Rodders]

Languishing in bed at around 10:30 this morning, I was surprised when Carol told me that it had snowed during the night.  "It's drifted against the kerb across the road," she said, "although I can't see much anywhere else."

"Are you sure?" I said.  "There was no sign of it earlier, when I let Evil Hoon out into the garden."

"See for yourself," said Carol, still peering from the window.

Struggling against a temporary increase in gravity, I reluctantly went over to the window and, on noticing a complete absence of snow in our garden, opened it to get a better view of this winter wonderland.  Try to imagine my delight on noticing a rectangular wet patch in the road, where a neighbour had evidently been washing their car.  

[Clive]

The store manager was trying to decipher an invoice his stunning blond secretary had sent out. He called her into the office and asked,
"If I gave you $20,000 less 5%, how much would you take off?"
She thought a moment and replied,
"Everything but my earrings."


Q: Whats the first thing a blonde does in the morning?

A: Go Home


Q: What did the blonde Mom say to the blonde daughter?

A: If your not in bed by 10 come home.



Q: How do you drown a blonde?


A: Put a scratch n 'sniff at the bottom of a pool!

 

[Lona]

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[Clive]

That one is so brilliant I can't believe it wasn't thought of before Lona!  

[Simon]

Serenity's going, "Yeah?  So?  Where's the joke?"   :blonde:

[Adept]

Hanging with Blondes

There were nine blondes and a brunette hanging of a rope 100 stories high. They had decided that one of them had to get off.

They argued and argued and  finally the brunette said 'I'll go.'

The brunette made a touching speech and all the blondes clapped.

[Adept]

Blonde Rows of Corn

A blonde is driving along a deserted country road with fields on either side. She looks out the window and sees another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing.

She stops the car, rolls down the window and yells, "You know it's blondes like you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!"

Getting no reaction from the blonde in the rowboat, she screams, "If I could swim I'd come out there and punch you out!"