Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mummy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a sh*t-house door in a gale. Do you think he's gonna just forget about that and go back to your frigid mum who nags constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Lego instead. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and some carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the sh*ts and carrots make the deer fart in my face when I'm driving the sleigh. You want to do me a favour? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Well, you wanted to know. Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy
Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging sh*t may work with your parents, but it doesn't wash with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky
Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you keep getting beaten up at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a block of flats. Third, I get inside your place just like Freddie Kruger does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa
Topic: Letters To Santa (Read 485 times)