Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary).
Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!
Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.
If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It’s Spam.
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.
When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
The local deli ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather, fortunately, my elderly neighbor Ethel has plenty stacked up on her doorstep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
News flashes:
Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.
Blonde wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning: "Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some luke warm water over it."
Wife texts back: "Computer really buggered now.”
Topic: One liners (Read 405 times)