A woman has sued a hospital stating that after recent treatment her husband had lost interest in sex.
The doctors replied: 'All we did was correct his eye sight'
I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in.
I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?"
"Yes honey."
"What is it?"
"It's the date of our anniversary."
Bitch.
When I woke up this morning I felt like one of Mozart's symphonies.
I was alright though, once I'd composed myself.
A couple of naked lesbians barged into the house today, and started wrestling with my wife while she was in the bath.
I tried to help, but I could only knock one out.
You wouldn't steal a car.
You wouldn't steal a film.
So why download a movie?
Because I don't like getting shot at whilst eating popcorn...
My wife spends every night in town, going into pub after pub.
And she always bloody finds me.
I got pulled over by the police and fined for driving in one of the Olympic lanes. I tried to argue that it wasn't clearly marked or signposted, but they weren't having any of it.
They said that I should've noticed something was wrong when I started knocking down the hurdles.
My mate Dave bet me £200 that the M25 is only 118 miles long, boy is he looking stupid now!
I've been driving on it all day and still not reached the end.
I got chucked out of the opera last night.
They don't like you joining in.
Just been told I've won the "Cynic of the Year" award.
I bet there's a catch.
My grandad was a fantastic golfer.
His dying wish was to be buried under our local shop.
He's now 6 under Spar.
I sat my daughter down today and said, "I know that your mother's died, but I just want you to know that when ever you're in bed at night, she'll always be watching over you."
"Why, is she an angel up in the sky?" she asked.
"No," I replied. "I've put her urn on top of your wardrobe."
A wise old Shark and his baby son were swimming along in the sea. The little shark asked,
"Dad, why do we circle our human victims before we eat them. Why don't we just go straight in for the kill?"
The wise old Shark replied, "because they taste better without the s**t inside them."
Topic: Some funnies... (Read 473 times)