Topic: Swearing at Work

[Rodders]

Dear Employees,

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.  Therefore, a list of new and innovative 'Try Saying' phrases are provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.


Try Saying:  I think you could do with more training.
Instead Of:  You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?

Try Saying:  She's an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of:  She's a f***ing power-crazy bitch.

Try Saying:  Perhaps I can work late.
Instead Of:  And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?

Try Saying:  I'm certain that isn't feasible.
Instead Of:  F*** off a*se-hole.

Try Saying:  Really?
Instead Of:  Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole.

Try Saying:  Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of:  Tell someone who gives a f***.

Try Saying:  I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of:  Not my f***ing problem mate.

Try Saying:  That's interesting.
Instead Of:  What the f***?

Try Saying:  I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of:  No f***ing chance mate.

Try Saying:  It will be tight but, I'll try to schedule it in.
Instead Of:  Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?

Try Saying:  He's not familiar with the issues.
Instead Of:  He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.

Try Saying:  Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of:  Oi, f***face.

Try Saying:  Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
Instead Of:  Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.

[Simon]

Brilliant! 

[Clive]

Superb!