Once upon a time, a young man went to the circus. He was very excited, as he lived in a little town in North Louisiana and had never seen a circus before. It was the kind of town where the mayor runs the local gas station. Anyway, as circus time drew nigh, the young man grew ever more excited. He even arrived before dawn to get a good seat and was seated hours before the first trapeze act.
Finally, the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring performance, the elephants danced, and the lion tamer tamed. At last, the clowns came out in full regalia and green hair. They rode around by the dozen in a purple Volkswagen. The car pulled up to center of the ring, and an overweight clown with orange hair, acne and a purple nose advanced to the podium: "Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please stand up?"
The young man looked at his ticket, and to his surprise, he was sitting in that very seat! He stood up, whereupon the Clown says, "Wellllll, there's the horse's ass, now where's the rest of the horse?"
Saddened and humiliated, he stood for a moment and then quickly made his way through the crowd and out of the tent. On returning home, he wept for days, mourning the loss of his dignity and honour. After some time, reason eventually overcame his grief and the man grew determined. "I'm not going to get mad, I'm going to get even - and avenge the honor of myself, my family and this town" he exclaimed. Then he picked up the curriculum guide for Lousiana State University (LSU) correspondence courses and started to read.
Eventually his eyes came to rest on an advertisement for a class in Quick Wit Retort. "Learn how to use those snappy comebacks to your advantage, now!" So the man sent in his $19.95 and soon received the course materials. In a few short weeks he had mastered the materials and sent his final exam back to LSU for grading.
Much to his surprise, a registered letter soon arrived from the chancellor of LSU. It read: Dear Sir , We were utterly amazed by your remarkable performance in Quick Wit Retort 101 and would be most gratified if you could come to LSU to complete your degree with our fine academic institution. Enclosed is a cheque to cover your expenses.
To make a long story short, the man made straight A's in the QWR program. He was awarded numerous distinctions, and when he graduated, the graduation speaker, John Ashcroft, awarded the man the Presidential Medal of Outstanding Quick Wit Retort, signed by Dubbya himself! A few days later, Harvard University sent a Learjet to pick the man up for an interview. The graduate admissions officer didn't mince his words. "If you complete our Masters/Doctoral tenured track program in QWR, you will never have to worry about money again", said he. Needless to say, the man promptly moved to Cambridge.
Within 2 years he had finished his doctorate and, by this time, had become known throughout the world as the leading expert in Quick Wit Retort. Word had even reached North Louisiana, which made his mother very proud. Everyone from Pentagon pundits to talk show hosts consulted the man on technical questions of QWR.
Then one day, while sitting at his desk reading his hometown newspaper, he noticed that the circus was coming to his hometown again. An evil smile crossed the man's face. "Siegfried," cried the man to his assistant, "We must be away to North Louisiana. Ready the jet!" As the plane crossed the Mississippi River, the man savored the moment of victory that was to be his.
Finally he arrived at the circus tent, getting there very early in order to get the seat in section A, row Y, seat 42.
Soon the trapeze artists gave an awe-inspiring performance, the elephants danced, and the lion tamer tamed. At last, the clowns came out in full regalia and green hair. They rode around by the dozen in a purple Volkswagen. The car pulled up to center of the ring and an overweight clown with orange hair, acne, and a purple nose advanced to the podium: "Will the person in section A, row Y, seat 42 please stand up?" He glanced proudly at his ticket.....this time he was ready!
The clown said, "Wellllll, there's the horse's ass, now where's the rest of the horse?"
Full of confidence, the man rose to his feet, thrust out his chest and said in the loudest voice you can imagine...
F*CK OFF, CLOWN!
