Topic: Groaner thread

[TR]

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in
a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole,
sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs
the air and says"Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the
hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger
moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can
smell is Molasses."


 8)

[Camstop]

A bear walks into a bar and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender again tells him, "WE don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana". The bear, very angry now, says, "if you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender, once again says, "sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings Montana." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat, and again demands a beer. The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings, Montana that are on drugs."he bear says, " I'm not on drugs." The bartender says, "Yes you are........that was a barbitchyouate."

[TR]

Blonde or Groaner.. your call  

Newlywed Blonde Joke

On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent." Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!

Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"

[Camstop]

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office, phone his mother, and ask her what he should do about it.

He did that and he returned to the classroom, where he sat down in his seat. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. The teacher went to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom," she screamed. "I did," he said. "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."  

[TR]

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[Camstop]

Brendan and Mary were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him."
 

[Clive]

Two peanuts walk into a bar.

One was a salted.
 

----


A booster cable walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't try to start
anything."


----


A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."


----


A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[TR]

Two parrots sat on a perch.
One turns to the other and says:
"Can you smell fish?"


 

[Clive]

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

 Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"

[Adept]

Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner.

Well, they both got right down to business, and wrote lines and lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickered, the power faltered, and both computer screens went dead.

When power was restored, God declared that time was up and asked to see the results of their work. Jesus flipped on his computer and displayed the most elegant program you could imagine, with beautiful architecture and wonderful syllogisms, triumphs of multimedia sound and pictures -- all kinds of bells and whistles.

God asked Satan what he had created, but Satan said, "I've got nothing, absolutely nothing. My program was twice as good as that, but I lost it all when the power went out. Jesus must have cheated. How could he still have such a great program?"

God replied, "Everybody knows -- Jesus Saves."

[TR]

A tragedy at the optician's shop today. A girl fell into the lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of herself.
 

[TR]

A butcher backed into the meatgrinder and got a little behind in his orders

[Clive]

Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

[Camstop]

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"
 
 

[Simon]

Two asparagus are walking down the road when one is hit by a car. The other goes in the ambulance with his friend, sits in the emergency room, waits for some news. A doctor comes to him. "I have good news and bad news. The good news - he'll make a full recovery.

The bad news - he'll be a vegetable for life."