Topic: Groaner thread

[Camstop]

A man goes into a restaurant with his wife.

The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order.

"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," the man says.

"But sir, what about the mad cow?!" asks the waiter.

"Oh," answers the man, "she'll order for herself."

 

[Butterfly]

:believe:I'm sitting here all alone on Valentin's night, my kids are in bed and I'm sooooooooooo bored....oops sorry...thought that said MOANER not groaner....now I'm still alone on Valentine's night only now I find myself in the middle of a jokes thread  

[Clive]

Oh c'mon Butterfly, you are never alone on PC-Pals!  

[Butterfly]

Well I have to say Clive.......I wasn't for long

[Lona]

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.

[Rodders]

Q.  How do you turn a duck into a great soul singer?

A.  You put it in the microwave until its bill withers.



Thanks to Jude for that one!  

[Alpha-Fox]

I often wonder what happened to those blokes on the submarine who got caught playing cards while on duty...still, that's all bridge under the water now.

[TR]

Q.  How do you turn a duck into a great soul singer?

A.  You put it in the microwave until its bill withers.

Groannnnnnnnn  

Have "A lovely day" Uncle Rodders

[Clive]

This piece of string walks into a bar. But he's hardly through the door when the bartender yells, "Hey, String! Get outta here!" Hours
later, the piece of string is still trying to find a drink. So he ruffles his ends and contorts himself. As he goes into yet another
bar, the bartender says, "Are you a piece of string?"

The piece of string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

[Clive]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
**********
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was asalted.
**********
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
**********
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
**********
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
**********
A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and says: "A beer
please, and one for the road."
**********
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
*********
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
**********
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual."
**********
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
**********
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
"Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
**********
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put
him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"
**********
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
**********
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
**********
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
*********
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
**********
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
*********
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

[Simon]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"

For heaven's sake!  

[Clive]

:heehee:

[TR]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

with eye;s that would be Fiish  ><))))8>

with no eye it would be fsh      ><))))>

 

[Serenity]

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me

One at a time please

                    --------

Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.

You're too tents  

                    --------


Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!

Hmmmm.Let's hope nothing develops.

                    --------


Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits!
What, you mean those square ones?
Yes!
The ones you put butter on?
Yes!

Oh, You're Crackers!


   

[Clive]

:mg:  I've let the genie out of the bottle!