Topic: Groaner thread

[mistybear]

   Oh, dear!   

[Clive]

Golf Balls

 
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.   

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."
 
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.   
 
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?

[Simon]

[Rik]

Can I second that?

[mistybear]

 

[Simon]

Paddy goes into a John Lewis department store and asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?"

The shopkeeper looks at him and says, "We sell cuckoo clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, alarm clocks... what the heck is a potato clock?"

And Paddy says, "I don't know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and the wife said 'You'd better get a potato clock.'"

[Simon]

Paddy walks into The Antiques Roadshow and puts a big box on the table.

"Where did you find this?" asked the expert.

"Oh, it's been in the attic for years," said Paddy.

"Have you got insurance?" asked the expert.

"Why do you ask?" said Paddy.

"Because you're going to need it - that's your cold water tank."

[Clive]

The potato clock is lost on me.     But the water tank is very funny.   

[Simon]

Paddy has to be a work by nine o'clock, so he gets up at...   

[Clive]

   The penny took a long time.... 

[Simon]

Sometimes takes a jolt to get it to drop. 

[Rik]

So many retorts, so many ways to get banned. 

[Simon]

Damn, I was hoping you'd fall into my trap!   

[Rik]

 

Dream on.

[Clive]

       Adam & God

                                       

 

God said, 'Adam, I
Want you to do
Something for Me.'

Adam said, 'Gladly,
Lord, what do You
Want me to do?'

God said, 'Go down
Into that valley.'

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

God explained it to
Him. Then God said,
'Cross the river.'

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

God explained that
To him, and then said,
'Go over to the hill.....'

Adam said, 'What is a
Hill?'

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, 'On
The other side of the
Hill you will find a
Cave.'

Adam said, 'What's a
Cave?'

After God explained,
He said, 'In the cave
You will find a woman.'

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

So God explained
That to him, too.

Then, God said, 'I
Want you to
Reproduce.'

Adam said, 'How do
I do that?'

God first said (under
His breath), 'Geez.....'

And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down
Into the valley,

Across the river, and
Over the hill, into the
Cave, and finds the
Woman.

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

God, His patience
Wearing thin, said
Angrily, 'What is it
Now?'

And Adam said....

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(YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE THIS!!!!!!)

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'What's a headache?'