Topic: Groaner thread

[Clive]

A guy sat down at the bar and ordered a beer.
The bartender filled his mug and slid it down the bar.
While sliding down the bar, the mug hit a blond woman's boobs and splashed all over them...
The bartender went over, retrieved the mug and licked the beer off her boobs.
 
Each time the guy called for another beer this happened. 
After his third beer, the guy decided to help the bartender out.   
The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumped up and started to lick them... 
She decked him!
 
He was laying on the floor moaning,
'Jeez lady... Why'd you let the bartender lick your boobs, but not me?'

'Duh,' said the blonde ……… 'He has a licker license!'

[Simon]

     

[Clive]

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynaecologist.

"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange..."

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when looked down, the water was full of pennies."

"I see."

"That afternoon I went again and there were two pence pieces in the bowl."

"Uh-huh"

"That night," she went on, "there were five pence pieces and this morning ten pence pieces! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!"

The gynaecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"There, there, it's nothing to be scared about

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(This is worth waiting for.)

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"You're simply going through the change."

[Simon]

[Rik]

[Simon]

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

[Rodders]

I had never considered self-harm until reading that one.

[Simon]

 

[Simon]

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "doctor my leg keeps talking to me."

So the doctor takes out his stethoscope and listens to the guys thigh and he hears, "lend me a fiver!"

The doctor then takes a listen to the guys knee and hears, "Lend me a tenner!"

The doctor then takes a listen at the guys shin and hears, "Lend me twenty quid!"

"So what's the problem doctor?" the guy asks anxiously.

"It's your leg - it's broke in three places," says the doctor.

[Clive]

 

[Simon]

[Rik]

I second your remark, Clive. As to memory lane - 

[Simon]

[Clive]

Clubbers in West Yorkshire have taken to using dental syringes to inject Ecstasy directly into their mouths.

This dangerous practice is known as 'E by gum' and should be reported immediately

 

[Simon]