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Author Topic: Groaner thread  (Read 199031 times)

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #840 on: December 19, 2014, 16:44 »
Brilliant!   ;D

Offline Den

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #841 on: December 19, 2014, 18:09 »
 ;D

Where does a Jamaican composer live?

In D flat.




I said to my girlfriend, "Please get me a newspaper."


"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."


That spider never knew what fliping hit it.




q.Who are the coolest blokes at the hospital?


A: The ultra-sound guys!



Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," replies Dolly.



"It's true, no bull!"



Q: What does a mathematician do when he's consitpated?

A: He works it out with a pencil
Fourth in the 2018 Quiz of the Year but at least I beat Clive.

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #842 on: December 19, 2014, 19:06 »
:aarrgh:
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Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #843 on: December 20, 2014, 13:09 »
 :lol2:

Offline Rodders

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #844 on: April 27, 2015, 23:30 »
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant where a gorgeous redhead was sitting alone at the next table.  He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.  Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man.  With lightning reflexes, he grabbed it out of the air and casually returned it to her in a napkin.

"Oh my, I am so sorry" the woman said, as she popped it back into place.  "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

Well, they enjoyed a really marvelous evening together and then went to the theatre, followed by drinks.  They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his.  She listened to him with interest.  After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.  They had an incredible time.  The following morning she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.  The guy was amazed.  Everything had been so wonderful!

"You know," he said, "you're the perfect woman.  Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies.   "You’re just the first one who happened to catch my eye." 

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #845 on: April 28, 2015, 07:25 »
 :laugh:
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Offline Den

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #846 on: April 28, 2015, 10:32 »
 :aarrgh:
Fourth in the 2018 Quiz of the Year but at least I beat Clive.

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #847 on: April 28, 2015, 12:29 »
 ;D

Offline Rodders

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #848 on: June 24, 2015, 11:29 »
A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm.  "Do you sell fishcakes?" he asks.

"Of course," says the fishmonger.

"Oh good," says the man. "It's his birthday."

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #849 on: June 24, 2015, 13:43 »
 :)x
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Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #850 on: June 24, 2015, 16:41 »
 :pmsl:

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #851 on: July 08, 2015, 16:16 »
   The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a beer.
 
   
   After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
 
     
   The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do....... Why?"
 
   
   The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"
 
 
   The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was close to death from heat exhaustion.
 
 
   The Lone Ranger got the horse watered and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
 
   
   The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to cool down and feel better."
 
   Tonto said, "Sure, no worries Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver.

   Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the saloon to finish his drink.
 

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and says, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"


"Nothing, but you left your injun runnin!"

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #852 on: July 08, 2015, 16:38 »
 :aarrgh: :aarrgh: :aarrgh:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:

Offline Clive

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #853 on: July 08, 2015, 19:41 »
Did you hear about the time they decided to take a holiday in Canada?
When it was time to leave, they mounted up and the Lone Ranger said, "it's onto Toronto pronto Tonto!"

Offline Simon

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Re: Groaner thread
« Reply #854 on: July 08, 2015, 20:41 »
:out:
Many thanks to all our members, who have made PC Pals such an outstanding success!   :thumb:


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