Topic: Groaner thread

[Rik]

Definitely a , Clive. And stolen...

[Simon]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. 

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


  'You just happened to catch my eye.'

[Clive]

For goodness sake!! 

[Simon]

She saw him across the bar, and rolled her eyes at him... so he picked them up and rolled them back...

[Simon]

She had one of those 'outward' squints, so you never knew if she was looking at you, or watching for a bus...

[Clive]

Enough!!   

[Simon]

 

[mistybear]

 

[gmax]

Breaking  News:

 

CNN reports that  SHELL, EXXON & MOBIL gas stations will start showing PORN movies

 on the screens of their pumps

so that you can see someone else get screwed at

the same time you do.: !!

[Clive]

 

[Serenity]

  at the latest groaners!  gawd I needed a laff today  what with grass cutting, bubbles and 1 armed midgets on X trainers 

[mistybear]

 

[gmax]

IT department
Five cannibals get appointed as engineers in a high-tech company. During the

welcoming ceremony, the boss says, "You're all part of our team now. You can

earn good money here, and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat.

So don't trouble any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later,

the boss returns and says, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very

satisfied with all of you; however, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do

any of you know what happened to him?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing janitor. After the boss

has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others, "Which of you

idiots ate the janitor?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says, "You

fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders and Project Managers so

no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the janitor!"

[Clive]

Paddy's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.
After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma'am, you had twins.... A boy and a girl.
The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately so your brother Paddy came in and named them.
The woman thinks to herself, ' Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother he's a freekin' clueless idiot!
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,' well, what's my daughter's name?
''Denise' says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, 'Wow, that's a really beautiful name,' 
I guess I was wrong about my brother', she thought....'I really like Denise'.
Then she asks, ' What's the boy's name?'
The doctor replies 'Denephew '

[gmax]