Topic: One-liners

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

 

[Rodders]

A bloke goes into the opticians.  "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes," says the man.  "Have you ever seen a doctor?" asks the optician.  The man replies, "No, just spots."

[Simon]

[Clive]

 

[Rodders]

It's strange, isn't it.  You stand in the middle of a library and go "Aaaaaarrrghhhh!" and everyone just stares at you.  But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

[Clive]

 

[Simon]

 

[Rodders]

I rang up a local building firm and said "I want a skip outside my house."  He said, "I'm not stopping you." 

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

 

[Rodders]

I went to buy a watch and the man in the shop said "Analogue?"  I said, "No, just a watch."

[Clive]

 

[Simon]

 

[Rodders]

In a restaurant a man asks the waiter, "I'm just wondering how you prepare your chickens?"  "Nothing special, sir.  We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."