Have you ever had one of those days when...
1. I was driving and I felt cold. So I turned down the volume on the radio. It was a full ten minutes before I started thinking, "I'm still cold. And now I can't hear the music."
2. I watered, what I later found out to be, a plastic cactus for 2 years.
3. I walked down the stairs carrying a bunch of towels in one arm and my toddler in the other. Head into the laundry room and prepare to release load of towels onto the floor. Luckily, I knew I was going to f*** up before I actually twitched a muscle. So, instead, I stood there for several long seconds making sure my brain knew which arm to release. It was a close one.
4. I needed to put toilet paper on the holder. I tossed the whole roll in the toilet. I don't know what the f*** I was thinking.
5. I took out a bag of frozen Tater Tots to make for the kids. Opened it and grabbed a clip to close the bag. The clips we have are magnetic, so we just keep them stuck to the fridge. Whereupon, I turned around and stuck the bag of Tater Tots to the side of the fridge. I didn't realize it until a full day later when my wife sent me a picture of it, asking wtf was wrong with me.
6. I found my debit card in the dishwasher after it been through a complete wash. It was the only thing in there.
7. I was standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in my hand and had some weird vertigo moment where I thought the glass was upside down. So, I'm all "oh s**t its spilling" and inverted the glass. Never told anyone and it hasn't happened since, so I think I'm OK.
8. I entered my bank PIN into the microwave instead of the time.
9. One time I was so tired that I when I opened my lunchbox I expected it to have a light inside like the fridge. For a couple of seconds I couldn't understand why it was dark inside.
10. I microwaved a Tupperware lid for lunch today. What a meal.
11. I once poured soda into a bowl of macaroni and cheese instead of my glass, which was right next to the bowl. My husband stood there and watched me do it without attempting to stop me.
12. I went grocery shopping after moving into a new apartment. The next day I went to make some lunch, opened the knife drawer and found a block of cheese, which I had apparently decided was a knife the previous day. Then I opened the fridge to get some sour cream and couldn't find the tub of sour cream I'd just bought and used the day before. I looked everywhere and never found it. I lived in that apartment for two years and never found the sour cream.
13. Standing at the front door, hitting unlock on my car key fob and wondering why nothing is happening.
14. I complained late one night that my key card wasn't letting me unlocked my hotel room door. The lady at reception said nicely "Sir, that is your driver’s licence."
15. I cracked an egg into the sink and dropped the shell into the bowl.
16. Once I fell asleep with my contact lenses in and when I woke up, thought I'd gotten my sight back.
17. My mom tells a story from when I was 4 and my brother was 2: My dad was in another country for two weeks on business. It was the longest he'd been gone since my younger brother was born. While my brother was napping, my mom prepared her favorite casserole for dinner that night. After a very hectic afternoon with the 2 kids, it was time to put the casserole in the oven. First a quick diaper change for the baby, then pop that casserole in the oven. Now she's just 45 minutes away from a delicious home cooked dinner. 10 minutes later, there's a godawful smell wafting through the house, caused by the dirty diaper melting in the oven. The casserole was in the trash. After her little breakdown, mom took us to grandma's house to spend the night, so I had a great time.
18. I was working on the till at Subway. Sandwich was in one hand, cash in the other. I almost tried to put the sandwich in the register and hand the customer her money back.
19. Once after brushing my teeth I went to apply some deodorant. I took the cap off, raised my arm and wiped it on my tongue. It was horrible!
20. Few month ago, I was playing Yahtzee with some friends. It was a hot day so I was drinking some coke while playing. I kind of start daydreaming when I'm tired, so when they told me it was my turn, I drank the cup of dice and threw my glass of coke hard on the table, breaking the glass, spilling the coke everywhere and cutting my hand.
21. "WHO THE F*** TOOK MY GLASSES?" (Glasses on face.)
22. I make my daughter lunch every day for school (for this story she was 6 years old; she's 9 now.) I woke up one morning feeling under the weather, made her lunch, and sent her on her way to the bus stop. That afternoon, she came home from school and said in such a defeated tone, "Daddy, I'm sorry, but I couldn't finish all of my turkey." I looked at her like a dog looks at a high-pitched noise, "What turkey?" After I made her turkey sandwich, I put the pack of sliced turkey in her lunch box instead of in the fridge. She had managed to eat her sandwich, her crisps, her yoghurt, and a little less than 2 pounds of sliced turkey before admitting defeat.
23. Phone in the microwave, corn dog in pocket.
24. I used to do shift work, which completely messed with my head. One day, after getting home around 2 a.m., I decided to cook myself a lasagne, even though I was completely exhausted. When it was ready to take out of the oven, I put on some oven mitts, opened the oven door, took off the oven mitts, grabbed the lasagne tray (with my now bare hands) and put the lasagne on the counter. On the upside, I got a week off work.
25. I routinely will be driving to work or wherever and think, "Oh sh*t, I didn't grab my car keys!" Then realize I'm driving my car.
Topic: Admissions of Idiocy (Read 608 times)