Just had a bloke at the door asking if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for orphans.
I told him with my luck I'd probably win one.
The thing I love most about hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.
Although they do make me look a bit gay.
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said . . . . .
"We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick.
It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars bars, Picnic, Pringles, the lot.”
Question - are there too many immigrants in Britain?
17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
Prince Harry says he doesn't want the usual fruit cake at his wedding.
Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.
Just £3 will buy water and food for a week for a family in Africa. But don't let your heart rule your head.
Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for £2.99.
100 people from Liverpool were asked today if they thought Britain should change its currency.
98% said no, they were happy with the Giro.
Bloke comes home to find his son sitting on the couch, grinning from ear to ear.
"What are you so happy about?" he asked.
"I just made love to the girl next door" he says proudly.
"Well done son. I hope you were wearing something.”
"Yup" he replied. "A balaclava.”
1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it.
That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1403808.59375GB in about 3 seconds.
And you thought Virgin media was fast.
Paddy bursts into the Benefits office. I've been ringing 08001730 for 2 bloody days. Why don't you answer the bloody phone.
The girl replies, those are our opening times.
Topic: Jokes (Read 687 times)