Elevators terrify me... I'm taking steps to avoid them.
I got an e-mail saying 'At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards', and I thought... 'That's just spam...'
What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.
Me and my friends put a band together, we named it 999 megabytes. Still don't have a gig though.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were against me.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda. It was a Fanta Sea.
Just got hospitalized due to a peekaboo accident. They put me in the ICU.
In college I was so broke I couldn't afford the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of my life.
I went to the Doctor with hearing problems. He said 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I said: 'Homer's a fat dude and Marge has blue hair.'
I said to my wife: 'When I die I'd like to die having sex.' She replied: 'At least it'll be quick.'
I've decided I want a pet termite. I'm going to call him Clint. Clint Eatswood.
So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? 10-tickles.
'Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?' No sun.
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive. It's because they charge a lot.
Guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed? Everybody.
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns. Well, toucan play at that game.
Did you hear about the new Origami Porn channel? It's paper view only.
I was really angry when I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary. I said, 'Mark, my words!'
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Topic: Quickies. (Read 300 times)