Topic: The great days of the British Empire.........

[Clive]

IN THE GREAT DAYS OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE, A NEW COMMANDING OFFICER WAS SENT
TO A JUNGLE OUTPOST TO RELIEVE THE RETIRING COLONEL.

AFTER WELCOMING HIS REPLACEMENT AND SHOWING THE USUAL COURTESIES (GIN AND
TONIC, CUCUMBER SANDWICHES ETC) THAT PROTOCOL DECREES, THE RETIRING COLONEL
SAID,"YOU MUST MEET MY ADJUTANT, CAPTAIN SMITHERS, HE'S MY RIGHT-HAND MAN,
HE'S REALLY THE STRENGTH OF THIS OFFICE. HIS TALENT IS SIMPLY BOUNDLESS."

SMITHERS WAS SUMMONED AND INTRODUCED TO THE NEW CO, WHO WAS SURPRISED TO
MEET A HUMPBACKED, ONE EYED, TOOTHLESS, HAIRLESS, SCABBED AND POCKMARKED
SPECIMEN OF HUMANITY, A PARTICULARLY UNATTRACTIVE MAN LESS THAN FOUR FEET
TALL.

"SMITHERS, OLD MAN, TELL YOUR NEW CO ABOUT YOURSELF."

"WELL, SIR, I GRADUATED WITH HONOURS FROM SANDHURST, JOINED THE REGIMENT AND
WON THE MILITARY CROSS AND BAR AFTER THREE EXPEDITIONS BEHIND ENEMY LINES.
I'VE REPRESENTED GREAT BRITAIN IN EQUESTRIAN EVENTS, AND WON A SILVER MEDAL
IN THE MIDDLEWEIGHT DIVISION OF THE OLYMPICS. I HAVE RESEARCHED THE HISTORY
OF....."

HERE THE COLONEL INTERRUPTED, "YES, YES, NEVER MIND THAT SMITHERS, HE CAN
FIND ALL THAT IN YOUR FILE.

TELL HIM ABOUT THE DAY YOU TOLD THE WITCH DOCTOR TO f*** OFF."

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

My favourite joke of the year... so far!