Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots ? a really big pair.
Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammunition.
Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dog dish.
Leave a note on your front door that says something like 'Bubba, BIG Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in ½ an hour. Don't disturb the Pit bulls, they've just been wormed'.