Topic: Snappy come back lines.

[mistybear]

Snappy Answer #1 A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to
    check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the
    ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat
    she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2 A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the
    supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked
    the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No ,
    they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3 The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was
    stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you
    all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as
    fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent
    the lad on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4 A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that
    reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
    of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
    Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and
    walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
    "Got stuck?" The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this
    bridge and ran out of petrol."

And finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR ...

A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam.
    "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I
    might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness,
    or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
    whatsoever!" A smart-arse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand
    and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
    complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to
    stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles
    sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,
    "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

[Simon]

This is a true story, I was there!  A woman in my local Sainsbury's picked up a black pudding off the refrigerated shelf (the fat sausage type (of black pudding, not woman!)), and about 50 of them rolled off the shelf onto the floor!  At the height of her embarrassment, and amid the stifled giggles of other shoppers, an assistant came round the aisle, and without missing a beat, said coolly, "Have you found one you like, Madam?"

[mistybear]