Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are discussing family.
Englishman says, "My son was born on St.George's Day so I called him George!"
"What a coincidence!" says the Scotsman, "My son was born on St.Andrews Day so I called him Andrew!"
"Jasus!" says the Irishman, "That's amazing!, wait 'til I go home and tell our Pancake!!!
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I just found out we have a local library. They kept that quiet.
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I got a phone call from British Gas to say my bill was outstanding.
I said, "Thanks!"
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I had a mate who was suicidal.
He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
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All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified, food tasting horrible is
nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.
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My doctor reckons I'm paranoid with multiple personalities.
He didn't say it, but we know he's thinking it.
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I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 232 years
of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
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My grandad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
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My dog jumped in the washing machine yesterday. Don't worry, at least he
died in comfort.
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The school phoned me today and said, "your son's been telling lies"
I said, "well tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!"
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Apparently, the Popemobile has 3 inch thick bullet-proof glass.
There's faith for you
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What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
The bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, then goes to bed.
The married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the
refrigerator.
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Knock knock
"Who's there?"
"Doorbell repairman."
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I got a Woolworth's advent calendar today.
All the windows are boarded up and there's nothing inside.
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Topic: Quickies (Read 522 times)