There is no substitute for haggis, Rik, just as there's nothing quite like changing a baby's nappy, or rickets, or dementia.
I know, but haggis at least tasted good. This will be the first St Andrew's night in the past 37 years that I haven't eaten haggis.
You're right on two counts, Sam. The second one means you wouldn't want to be anywhere near me.
beans on toast instead... though something tells me you probably can't have processed baked beans either?