As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
John Glenn
*****
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.
They said ' Let us pray .'
We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
Desmond Tutu
*****
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
David Letterman
*****
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire.
God dammit, I'm a billionaire.
Howard Hughes
*****
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
Italian proverb
*****
Men are like linoleum floors.
Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
Betsy Salkind
*****
The only reason they say ' Women and children first ' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
Jean Kerr
*****
I've been married to a communist and a fascist - and neither would take out the garbage.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
*****
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Jeff Foxworthy
*****
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Prince Philip
*****
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips.
*****
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
Harrison Ford
*****
The best cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan
*****
Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
Robin Hall
*****
Kill one man and you're a murderer. Kill a million and you're a conqueror.
Jean Rostand.
*****
Having more money doesn't make you happier.
I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I only had 48 million.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
*****
We are here on earth to do good unto others.
What the others are here for, I have no idea.
WH Auden
*****
In hotel rooms I worry; I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
Jonathan Katz
*****
If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
Johnny Carson
*****
I don't believe in astrology.
I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
Arthur C Clarke
*****
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
Steve Martin
****
Home cooking.
Where many a man thinks his wife is.
Jimmy Durante
*****
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
Doug Hamwell
*****
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
George Roberts
*****
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
Jonathan Winters
*****
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Topic: The Reality is that most of these actually make sense (Read 1380 times)