well i finally got it sorted
so a million thanks to Simon, Tony, Joudi and especially Sandra for unparalleled help including that link to the idiots guide to installing XP.
sandra you were spot on about the cd not booting because it didnt react quickly enough. i couldnt boot with it as first boot device, so i made it second boot device with floppy as the first to buy a little extra time. that combined with tapping "any key" furiously worked.
so ta for all your patience, i can stop beating the kids now. and there are a also a few dark roots showing through the blonde 8)