Topic: One Liners - part 4

[Clive]

91. REHAB is for quitters.
92. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
93. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
94. All women are Idiots, and I married their Queen!
95. E. coli Happens.
96. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
97. SAVE A TREE: Eat a beaver.
98. Tow-ers will be violated.
99. Work is for people who don?t know how to fish.
100. I didn?t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
101. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
102. Your kid may be an honor student but you?re still an IDIOT!
103. My kid can beat up your honor student.
104. Yes, it?s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
105. If you don?t like the news, go out and make some.
106. I Brake for No Apparent Reason.
107. Friends don?t let friends drive naked.
108. Wink, I?ll do the rest!
109. I may be fat, but you?re ugly - I can lose weight!
110. No Radio?Already Stolen.
111. Reality is a crutch for people who can?t handle drugs.
112. Real women don?t have hot flashes, they have power surges.
113. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
114. When there?s a will, I want to be in it!
115. Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
116. If we aren?t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
117. If you are psychic?think ?HONK?.
118. Learn from your parents mistakes?use birth control!
119. I won?t rise to the occasion, but I?ll slide over to it.
120. I wouldn?t be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

[Clive]

121. IRS: We?ve got what it takes to take what you have got.
122. Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it?s students!
123. Which came first? The woman or the department store?
124. LAWYER: A cat settles a dispute between 2 mice.
125. It?s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
126. According to my calculations the problem doesn?t exist.
127. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them.
128. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
129. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
130. Reality? That?s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!
131. I?m not as think as you drunk I am.
132. First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering...
133. Seen on a woman?s car: ?Men call us birds, we pick up worms.?
134. Visualize whirled peas.
135. Forget about World Peace... Visualize using your turn signal!
136. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
137. An authority is anyone who guessed right more than once.
138. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
139. My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
140. There are two rules for ultimate success in life:
141. 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.
142. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
143. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
144. i souport publik edekasion.
145. Be nice to your kids. They?ll choose your nursing home.
146. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
147. 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can?t.
148. Why is ?abbreviation? such a long word?
149. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
150. I like you ?n stuff, but I wouldn?t want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

[Simon]

 

[mistybear]