Topic: Jeremy Clarkson Quotes

[Serenity]

'I'm sorry but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit
like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.  If
you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen.'



'We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood.  It's the Ladybird
Book of Motorcars from 1963 and, as you would imagine, it's full of
rubbish really.  Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page
40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT.  Now this for me, when I was
little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz.  In a bath together.
With a Lightning jet fighter.  And lots of jelly.'





'The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician
stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air
saying there will be no war with Germany '


Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - 'It couldn't pull a
greased stick out of a pig's bottom!'



On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR:  'There is a word to describe this car: it
begins with 's' and ends with 't' and its not 'soot'.
Hammond: 'So it's fairly terrible then?'
Clarkson: 'Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is another
league of badness!'

 

'The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an
Ethiopian transvestite.'



'Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... that's
what gets you.'



'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the
dashboard blowing at you through a straw'



'Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable.  More
comfortable
than what...    BEING STABBED?'



'The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertable
was Adolf Hitler'



(Fed up during the caravaning trip)
'You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music,
you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp
fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you have to keep
quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven.  This is not a holiday, it's a
concentration camp!'



'This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers.
Not that that's much to shout about.  That's like saying 'Ooh good, I've
got
syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.''



(About the Mercedes CLs55) 'Braking in this car is so brutal, it would
be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.'



'I don't understand bus lanes.  Why do poor people have to get to places
quicker than I do?'



 

[Rik]

I wonder who the script writer is?

[mistybear]

 

[Simon]

I do like Jeremy Clarkson - his "The World According To..." books are great reads. 

[Baz]

yeah he's ok now..............  thought he was a lot better in the early days of top gear, having read some of his articles in the Sun, borrowed the paper didnt buy it you understand  , I find him a bit irritating sometimes. The show would be better with just Hammond and May presenting.

just my view

[Simon]

Well, it was nearly just Clarkson and May at one point last year!   

[GillE]

Oh, my hopes were built up only to be dashed most cruelly.



I mis-read the title of this thread - I thought it was "Jeremy Clarkson Quits".  Wishful thinking, I'm afraid.

Gill

[Clive]

Top Gear is the funniest comedy show on television!  Long may it prosper!