I lent my brother £20 last week. Turns out I'm now the UK's fifth
biggest lender.
Cadburys is to launch a chocolate bar you don't have to pay
for until next year. It will be called the Credit Crunchie.
Marks and Spencers are to merge with Poundstretchers. The
new stores will be called Stretch Marks.
Poundland is to restructure for the recession
and will be called '50p
Land'.
Northern Rock is to be rebranded Northern Pebble.
Bank Managers are to concentrate on the Big Issues. They'll
all be out on the street selling them next week.
The Isle of Dogs Bank collapsed today. The retrievers have
been called in.
The Origami Bank has folded, and 5,000 staff got the
chop at the Karate Bank.
What do you call five hedge fund managers at the bottom of
the ocean? A good start.
How do you define optimism - A banker who irons five shirts on
a Sunday!
What's the difference between the BBC's Business Editor
Robert Peston and God? God doesn't think he's Robert Peston.
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza - The
pizza can still feed a family of four.
Why have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in
the morning - Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
What's the difference between an investment banker and a
pigeon - The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.
The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The
car's been repossessed.
What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't sell
anything? A quarter-pounder with fries, please.
A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start
a small business. How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank
manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'
What have an Icelandic bank and an Icelandic streaker got in
common - They both have frozen assets.
Overheard in a City bar: 'The credit crunch is worse than a
divorce…I've lost half my net worth and I still have a bloody wife.'
Topic: CREDIT CRUNCH - FUNNIES (Read 839 times)