A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him an injection, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man, "Go home and take a hot bath. As soon as you finish bathing, throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said the doctor, "I can cure pneumonia."
I was driving through Weston-Super-Mare the other day and got a slow puncture.
I pulled into a filling station and asked the attendant, "Have you got an air line?"
"An airline?" he replied. "We haven't even got a sodding bus station!"
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
My mate somehow got a vacuum cleaner hose stuck up his backside. When I phoned the hospital to see how he was doing, they told me he was picking up nicely.
The wife had 400 friends on Facebook until she put her photo on there. Now she has only 2.
Doc: "Mrs Jones, the results of your tests are back, I'm afraid you have Gonorrhoea."
Mrs Jones (very embarrassed): "Er, I think I caught it from a toilet seat"
Doc: "Well you must have been chewing it then, it's in your gums"
My uncle came out of the closet yesterday.
He's not gay, he's got Alzheimer's and thought it was the car.
Topic: A Few Quickies... (Read 474 times)