Topic: Notes to the Milkman!

[Clive]

"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."


Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk."


Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"


Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds
keep pecking the tops off the milk."


Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a
baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."


Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a
dozen pints, but the other way round."


When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake
me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress.


Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights
Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened."


My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it
before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."


Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby
two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me."


Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."


From now on please leave two pints every other day and one
pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I
don't want any milk."


My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get
money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen
table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight."


Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean
tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday."


When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler,
let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door.
PS. Don't leave any milk.


No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he
is dead until further notice."

[Simon]

Brilliant!  Especially the last one. 

[Rik]

Who'd be a milkman, eh?

[Simon]

I've heard it has some perks. 

[Rik]

We don't have any left round here, the supermarkets killed their businesses for them.

[Rodders]

There's a three-quarter-mile serpentine stretch of narrow road which winds through the estate next to where I work.  I use it as a rat-run and often manage to shave up to six or seven minutes off the journey -- except when the bloody milkman's using it too.

His only delivery seems to be right at the end of the road and it's completely impossible to pass his flucking foat until then.  All I can say is, it's a good job I don't normally carry firearms in the car, otherwise I'd happily create a job opportunity for someone.

[Rik]

 

Milk rage, that's a new one, Rod. 

[Rodders]

At least we can be fairly sure that Ernie isn't The Stig.

[Simon]

  I don't have milk delivered, but one comes round our way at about four in the morning, so he tends to skip the rush half-hour.