Topic: The Ashes

[Clive]

What do you get if you cross the Australian cricket team with an OXO cube?
A laughing stock.

The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast!

What’s the difference between Ricky Ponting and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn’t keep losing the ashes.

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A waiter.

Of everyone in the Aussie team, who spends the most time at the crease?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.

What’s the height of optimism? An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.

Why did the Aussie break his leg throwing a ball?
He forgot it was chained to his foot.

What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
 
What does Ricky Ponting put in his hands to make sure the next ball is almost certainly going to be a wicket?
A bat.
 
What do you call an Aussie with a hundred to his name?
A bowler
 

[sam]

 

[Rik]

 

[Simon]

   Poor Kate! 

[GillE]

What do you call an Australian with a champagne bottle in his hand?
A waiter.

What is the main function of the Australia coach?
To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

On his way out into the middle to bat, Ricky Ponting gets a call from his wife and teammate Michael Hussey tells her he's heading out to the middle. His wife replies: "I'll hold, he won't be long!"

What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.

Who has the easiest job in the Australian squad?
The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.

What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Australian innings.

What's the Australian version of LBW?
Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

What do you call a cricket field full of Australians?
A vacant lot.

What do you call an Australian who is good with a bat?
A Vet.

[Simon]

Cruel, but 

[sam]

ouch!

[Rik]

Gloat while we may.

[Simon]

Indeed, it can't last. 

[sam]

and didn't they showed us how to bat in the one-day.

[Simon]

[Rodders]

I was thinking to myself maybe this is a little bit harsh.  After all, we've only won once in twenty-something years.  Then I remembered the Aussie adverts prior to the Ashes, with the unbearably smug Ricky and his other chimp friends gloating about how we should 'come down to sunny Oz but be careful because we were going to get burnt'.

Now I realise it's not just me.  God hates you as well, Ponting.

[Rik]

 

[Simon]