Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Rodders]

Absolutely, Serengeti!  I'm all for union with every blonde we can muster.  

[bat69]

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts
>wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She
>takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
>She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
>Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not
>really a brunette, are you?"
>She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
>"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."

[Sandra]

True Blonde Test

 

To find out if you are a true blonde, scroll down.





























































To find out if you are a true blonde, scroll up.

[Clive]

A blonde teacher was giving a lesson on blood circulation. Trying to make the matter clear, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."  

"Yes," the class said.  

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright the blood doesn't run into my feet?"  

The answer came from the back of the class, "Cause  your feet ain't empty."

[Sandra]

Oh Clive you will be in deep do do when Serenity gets someone to read that to her      

[Rodders]

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before and sets out to rent her first adult video.  She goes to the video library and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds stimulating.

When she arrives home she lights some candles, slips into something comfortable and puts the tape into the VCR.  To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video library to complain.  "Hey, I just rented an adult film from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

"Sorry about, that," replied the shop manager.  "We've had problems with some of those tapes.  Which title did you rent?"

The blonde replied, "The one called 'Head Cleaner'."

[Rodders]

80,000 blondes meet up at the NEC for the national "Blondes Are Not Stupid" convention.

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the entire world that blondes are not stupid.  Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up onto the stage.  The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed, then 80,000 blondes start shouting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world's press and broadcasting media here, I suppose we can give her another chance."  So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.  Everyone is pretty disheartened.  The blonde starts crying and the 80,000 other blondes begin to yell and wave their hands chanting, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

Their leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Just one more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and thinks very deeply. It takes a whole minute before she eventually says, "Four?".

Throughout the whole building chaos breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and scream, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

[Sandra]

I wouldnt like to be in your shoes Rodders when Serenity figures out how to use a calculator  

[Rodders]

I can wait, Sandra.  I'm good for another 50 years at least.  

[Rodders]

I couldn't go out for the evening without leaving Serenity an excuse for harvesting plums.  Here we go then...



A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives.  To test their skills in recognising a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well, uh, thats because the picture only shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!  Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his bloody profile!  Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognise him?"  He quickly adds, "Just think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmm - the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is quite taken aback because he really doesn't know whether the suspect wears contacts or not.  "Well, that's an interesting answer.  Just wait here for a few minutes while I look through his file."

He goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.  "Wow! I cant believe it.  It's true!  The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.  Good work!  How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"It was easy," the blonde replied.  "He can't wear normal glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

[Rodders]

Parked by the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car crawling along at 22 miles per hour.  He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.  Approaching the car, he notices that there are five blondes - two in the front and three in the back of the car -- wide-eyed and as white as ghosts.

The driver is obviously confused, and she says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?  No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly - twenty-two miles an hour," the blonde said proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.  A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am," the officer says, "I have to ask... Is everyone in this car okay?  These girls seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer.  We just got off Route 119."

[greenking]

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?", the doctor asked.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the Blonde replied.

"Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"

"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, no, I just paid £10,000 for these.
 
Then I put it in my mouth and thought, I just paid £4,000 to get my teeth straightened.

 Then
I put the gun in my ear, and thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

[Rodders]

There were once 3 blondes stranded on a deserted island who couldn't think of any way to get off it.  One day, one of them tripped over what happened to be a magic lamp and after dusting it off, a genie suddenly appeared.

"I will grant you each a wish," the Genie said.

"Why not," thought the blondes. "It's worth a try."

"I want to be the world's best swimmer," said one, "so I can swim off the island".  She then jumped in to the ocean and swam away.

"I want to be a bird," another blonde said, and flew away immediately.

The third and last blonde thought for a while. "I want to be a man."

With that, she was instantly transformed and walked across the bridge to the mainland.

[Rodders]

A blonde went into an electrical appliance shop and found a bargain.  "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"I'm sorry, but we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde was very angry about this.  She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde didn't know how the salesman could have recognized her.  This time, she got a haircut, a new color, a new outfit and big sunglasses.  She then waited a few days before she approached the salesman.

"I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

[Rodders]

I rest my case.