Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[mistybear]

[Clive]

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

[Debs.]

Hahaha!  

[mistybear]

[Clive]

A blonde was shopping at a supermarket and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the assistant to ask what it was. The assistant said, "That's a thermos . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?  The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee.

[Simon]

[Clive]

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

[mistybear]

  What scares me is that I found that funny.

[mistybear]

Blond Farmer

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. Of course, the farmer is blond.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing and looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks, "Ah, excuse me, mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field!"

[Clive]

 

[Clive]

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
"No, but it's okay -- I got the license plate number

[Clive]

One evening a blonde went to seafood restaurant for dinner. When she saw the tank where they kept the lobsters she asked a waiter, "Why are those creatures in that tank?"

"They are the lobsters we serve our customers!" answered the waiter.

"You mean you're going to kill them," said the blonde.

"Absolutely," said the waiter.

The blonde was so upset that she immediately exited the restaurant, drove to a nearby convenience store, purchased hefty bags and returned to the restaurant to accomplish her covert mission.

Taking pity on the poor creatures, she waited until the moment was right, and snatched all of the lobsters from the tank, threw them in the bag, and hightailed it out of the restaurant.

Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free.

[mistybear]

A blonde who had reversed into a tree took her car along to the panel
beaters to find out what she could do about it. The panel beater, ummm-ed
and ahh-ed, and eventually gave her his diagnosis. The panel beater told
the eager blonde to go home and put her mouth over the exhaust and blow
really hard, and that would make the dent came out. Satisfied with this,
the blonde went home to carry out the instructions the panel beater gave
her to remove the dent in the rear of the car.
The blonde is in her driveway blowing and puffing and blowing and didn't
seem to be getting any responses. While she's doing this, a brunette from
across the road came to visit the obviously vacant blonde and asked her
what she was doing. The blonde explained that the panel beater told her to
put her mouth over the exhaust and blow really hard and that would make the
dent come out.
The brunette shook her head at the blonde's stupidity and exclaimed, "That
won't work you fool, you haven't got the windows wound up!"

[Serenity]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Victoria.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.  What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells,

"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little smart-alec on your knee!"

[Clive]