Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Clive]

 

[mistybear]

 

[Rik]

Welcome back MB.

[mistybear]

Thanks Rik, it's going to take forever to read everything I've missed.     

[Clive]

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish," said God.
"Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supports me. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," said the nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the blonde nun. "They're so hard to peel."

[Rik]

Love it. 

[mistybear]

 

[Clive]

Twin pregnancy

 

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came
running up to me in the driveway just jumping
for joy! She said, 'I have some really great
news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so
happy.'
She stopped jumping and, breathing
heavily from all the jumping up and down,
told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while
so I told her, 'That's great! I couldn't be
happier for you!'

Then she said, 'There's more.'
I asked,
'What do you mean 'more'?'

She said, 'Well, we are not having just one
baby, we are going to have TWINS!'

Amazed at how she could know so soon
after getting pregnant, I asked her how
she knew. She said....

(You're going to love this!)

'Well, that was the easy part. I went to
Wal-Mart and they actually had a home
pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests
came out positive!'

 

[Simon]

[Rik]

Seconded.

[mistybear]

 

[Clive]

A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist.
psychologist: "What is your dream about?"
Blonde: "I am being chased by a vampire..."
psychologist: "So, where are you in this dream?"
Blonde: "I am running in a hallway."
psychologist: "Then what happens?"
Blonde: "Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge!"
psychologist: "Does the door have any letters on it?"
Blonde: "Yes."
psychologist: "And what do these letter spell?"
Blonde: "P.. U... L... L..."

[mistybear]

    That's awful Clive.

[Serenity]

7 degrees of blonde



FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde
says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun,
and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman,
sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade
was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington had to make
before he crossed the Delaware"

`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,
the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned,
"I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."

[mistybear]