Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Barra]

Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint?


A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.

[Barra]

Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes?



A. An interpreter.

[Clive]

Sorry to add to the misery of the blondes in this forum.  Oh OK, no I'm not.  


A blonde named Pam appeared on "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire" when Regis Philbin was still hosting.

Regis: "Pam, you're up to $500,000 with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth one million dollars If you get it wrong, you drop back to $32,000. Are you ready?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build its own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Pam: "I'd like to phone a friend. I'd like to call Carol."

Carol (also a blonde) answers the phone: "Hello?"

Regis: "Hello Carol, it's Regis Philbin from Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I have your friend Pam here who needs your help to answer the one million dollar question. The next voice you hear will be Pam's..."

Pam: "Carol, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it A) robin, B) sparrow, C) cuckoo, or D) thrush."

Carol: "Oh geez, Pam. That's simple. It's a cuckoo."

Pam: "Are you sure?"

Carol: "I'm sure."

Regis: "Pam, you heard Carol. Do you keep the $500,000 or play for the million?"

Pam: "I want to play; I'll go with C) cuckoo."

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Pam: "Yes."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Pam: "Yes; I think Carol's pretty smart."

Regis: "You said C) cuckoo, and you're right!
Congratulations, you have just won one million dollars!"

To celebrate, Pam flies Carol to New York. That night they go out on the town. As they're sipping champagne, Pam looks at Carol and asks her, "Tell me, how did you know that it was the cuckoo that does not build its own nest?"

"That's easy, everybody knows they live in clocks."

[Barra]

Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?


 
A. An airbag.

[Whiskas]

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'' The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK"

[Clive]

  They don't come better than that!

[Whiskas]

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

[Rodders]

(Take as long as you need, Serenity.)
 

 

[Serenity]

B%$%$%$D !!! :'( I get urt u know

[Rodders]

Too tricky, eh?  Try this one then.  
 

 

[Rodders]

"How come you're late?" asked the barman as the blonde waitress finally arrived for work.  

"It was awful," she said.  "I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident.  A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car.  His leg was broken and his skull was fractured -- there was blood everywhere!  Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."  

"What did you do?" asked the barman.  

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting."

[Simon]

 Love those, Rod!!

[Rodders]

Blonde's Cooking Diary
 

Monday:
It's fun to cook for Bob.  Today I made angel food cake.  The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.

- It was very nice of the neighbors to lend me some extra bowls.


Tuesday:
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper.  The recipe said serve without dressing.  So I didn't dress.

- What a surprise when Bob brought his friend home for supper.


Wednesday:
A good day for rice.  The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.

- It seemed kind of silly, but I took a bath.  I can't say it improved the rice any.


Thursday:
Today Bob asked for salad again.  I tried a new recipe.  It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.

- Which led to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.


Friday:
I found an easy recipe for cookies.  It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it.

- There must have been something wrong with this recipe.  When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.


Saturday:
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.  He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).

- For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.


Sunday:
Bob's parents came to dinner.  I wanted to serve roast.  All I could find was hamburger.  Suddenly I had a flash of genius and put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.

- Much to my disappointment, it still came out hamburger.


Good night Dear Diary.  This has been a very exciting week.  I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob.  If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

[Serenity]

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[Rodders]

:blonde:  Who said anything about a battle of wits?  Oh, go on then.  I was wondering what to do with the next 30 seconds of my life.  

PS.  It not like me to be photographed sleeping around.