Topic: Blonde Jokes Can Go Here

[Den]

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

[Den]

Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea?

A: Inflate it.

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

 

[Clive]

Finally, A Blonde Joke I Hadn't Heard.
 
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all  the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Yes.' he says.

'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.

'It's best I stay here.' he says.

'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.

The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
 
    "Because I'm the Goalie !"

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"!
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:

First - The bartender is a blonde girl.

Second - The bouncer is a blonde girl.

Third - I'm a 6 feet tall, 120 kg blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

Fourth - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter, and

Fifth - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell a Blonde joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,

"Nah...Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
 

[Simon]

 

[Den]

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."

[Den]

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy!
Today in school we learned to count.
The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
The mother responds, "Very good honey."
The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?"
And the mother responds, "Yes dear."
Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs!
The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"
The mother says, "Very good honey."
The blonde then asked.
"Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
The mother responds, "Yes dear."
The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming!
But I was the only one who had breasts.
Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

 

[Clive]

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention. The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”

A blonde carefully works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?”

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, “Eighteen!”

Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”

So he asks, “What is 5 plus 5?”

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?”

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, “GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, “OK! OK! Just one more chance – what is 2 plus 2?”

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, “Four?”

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream…

“Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”

[Simon]

 

[Clive]

Two blondes walk into an Essex pet shop and walk over to the bird section where Karen says to Sharon, “That’s them.” The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yes, we’ll take four of those little budgies in that cage up there.” The owner picks out four of the birds and puts them in a cardboard box. The blondes pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into their car and drive to a nearby hilltop. They look down at the 500 foot drop and Karen says, “This looks like a good place.” She takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Sharon watches as the budgies fly off and Karen falls all the way to the bottom, killing herself stone dead. Looking down at the sad remains of her bestie, Sharon shakes her head and says, “Bugger that. This budgie jumping is too bloody dangerous for me!”