Topic: Northerners

[Clive]

Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He
enquired of God,

'Where have you been?'

God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled
and said,

'What is it?'

'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've  put LIFE on it. I'm going to call
it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'

'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing down to different parts of the  Earth. 'For example,
North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South
America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot,
and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white
people and over there is a continent of black people.'

God continued, pointing to the different countries. This one will be
extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of
land and asked,

'What's that?'

'Ah,' said God. That's the North of England , the most glorious place on
earth.


There are beautiful people, seven Premiership football teams in the North
West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest
artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people
from the North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous
and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely
sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout
the world as speakers of truth.'

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,

'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!'

God replied very wisely,



'Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down South to Govern the
country !'
 

[Simon]