Topic: Groaner thread

[Clive]

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually becameovergrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him, so he decided to call it a day. That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed...

















Are you ready for this ?

















Are you sure! ?























Remember, YOU WERE WARNED!

















He proclaimed: "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

[Simon]

 

[Camstop]

A man walks into a restaurant and orders squid.

"Certainly Sir" says Ricky Gervais the waiter. "Would you like to choose your squid from this tank?"

"I'll have that little green one with the moustache" says the customer.

"Oh no!" replies Gervais. "He's my favourite! He's so small, cute and friendly. Surely you'd prefer one of the bigger meatier ones?"

"No," says the customer. "It's got to be that one."

So Gervais gets the little green squid out and puts him on the chopping block, raises his knife and... the little squid looks up and smiles at him, twitching his bushy moustache into a big friendly grin.

"It's no good," says Gervais. "I can't do it. I'll have to ask Hans who does the washing up. He's a big tough brute, he'll be able to do the evil deed."

So out comes Hans, while Gervais disappears off in tears. Hans picks up the knife, raises it to chop the little squid's head off and ... once again the little friendly squid looks up and smiles, wiggling his little legs and twitching his little moustache.

So Hans too finds it impossible to kill him.
















You ready for it??






Hans that do dishes is as soft as Gervais with mild green hairy lip squid.
 

[Camstop]

Every night Joe would go down to the offy,
get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while
he watched TV.

One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell
rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot
cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the
collar and threw him across the room, then left.

The next night, after Joe finished his fourth beer,
the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and
found the same six-foot cockroach standing there.
The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The next night, after he finished his first beer,
the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach
was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin,
and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then
the big bug left.

The fourth night Joe didn't drink at all. The doorbell
rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat
the tar out of Joe and left him in a heap on the living
room floor.

The following day Joe went to see his doctor. He
explained the events of the preceding four nights.

"What can I do", he pleaded.









"Not much, I'm afraid", the doctor replied. "There's
just a nasty bug going around."



Sorry  

[Camstop]

It,s a bad winter all over and a local vet gets a phone call from a distressed farmer."you need to come over asap my cows are frozen to the bone".
The vet obliges and on seeing the farmers cows tells him there is nothing he can do."you must know someone who can help me,it,s my livelyhood".
I do know this woman who may be able to help,i will give her a call.
An hour passes and an old hefty woman drives up in a car and proceeds to lay her hands on one of the cows.Amazingly the cow bursts in to life and
walks round the field.She then in turn goes round each &every one until they are all doing what cows do.
The astonished farmer can,t thank her enough and asks what she wants in payment.
"I don,t do it for the money"replies the woman ".
"Well can i at least ask your name please"says the farmer.
To which the woman replies..................................................




















.................
















......THORA HERD.................
 

[Clive]

I don't think this one can compete with your last three Camstop.  


News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator.

US President George W. Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.

[Adept]

NOT AGAIN!!!!  >

http://pc-pals.com/index.php?board=9;action=display;threadid=4089;start=0

http://pc-pals.com/index.php?board=9;action=display;threadid=2706;start=0

http://pc-pals.com/index.php?board=9;action=display;threadid=2900;start=0 (you even replied to that one )

[Clive]

 We are dooomed - doomed I tell you!  

[Camstop]

Yeh i knew i'd seen it before..Coz i was the third to post it..!!

Your wurser than me...

[Simon]

[Adept]

Told to me by my 7 year old this evening - so you know it's baaaad!


What happened when Batman and Robin got run over by an elephant?










They turned into Flatman and Ribbon

[Clive]

That boy will go far Adept. (depending on how far you can throw him).      

[Clive]

what do you call 3 stupid people singing on a street corner drinking a diet soda & eating fruit??




The Moron, tab and apple choir

[Simon]

What do you get if you cross a lettuce, a tomato, and a cucumber, with a caber?

A salad that tosses itself.  

[Camstop]

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> yeh..i know
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>better be worth it now
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

"Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."